My Mother’s Son

my mother has an invisible son

he protects her, loves her, is hers and will never leave her
he is free
he lifts my mother and saves her from being the woman she is

my mom felt him in her womb not once, not twice but three times
when i was born my mother cried
she searched for her son on (not in) my body

i see my mother’s invisible son sometimes
he is not real but i can feel him
he is everything my mother could never be
bright as the sun, loud as thunder
carefree like the rain and limitless with dreams
she wants the world and he is her key

my mother wants me to pray for him and i want to contribute to her dream
taking four years of my life, i kneel and ask Waheguru (god) “please give me a brother”
she smiles, i can make her happy now that it is not invisible it is real

my mom messed up the arrangement
the arrangement my grandparents made
the arrangement of her marriage, duty and feminine

my mom catches his glimpse in my sisters and i
i think it scares her a lot and it scares me too
it confuses the lines she has created
she (re) arranges the arrangement
she is a fighter and we are the world

her son is not invisible
he is real and
he lives in my soul

My Mother's Son
My mother, sisters and I on a sunny day in our village home in Punjab. This was about a year before we moved to America.

A member of UUSOM Class of 2020, Harjit Kaur, MD immigrated to Utah from Punjab with her family. She graduated with a BS in Biomedical engineering and is continuing her Psychiatry residency with the U of U health. She loves to eat, build relationships and eat some more.

Rubor Participation
2020 Poem, "Desensitization" web edition
2018 Essay, "My Mother's Son"