Hospital Tourism

Our ICU has over 100 beds.
You’ll take care of the sickest patients here.
At night, there is only one fellow so you get to run the floor.

We walk down the ward as if an ancient castle, admiring the fluorescence.

Our main floors are single rooms… mostly.
We have in-person interpreters for Spanish and Somali.
Resident assistants do all the scut work for you.

We peer past the curtains as an elderly man struggles to stand with a walker.

The ED is a level one trauma center.
You’ll get tons of procedures there.
I’ve done 5 LPs already.

We smile through body odors and GI bleeds.

We have tremendous patient volume.
We are a resident run hospital, no competition with fellows.
The fellows are actually really good about teaching us.

Patients try to maneuver around our group as we pile into an elevator.

Morning report has breakfast.
Noon conference has lunch except on Thursdays.
Sometimes attendings bring food when you are post-call.

Our elevator opens, full of suits. The family will catch the next one.

We have computers in our call rooms so you can put in orders without leaving.
We have cell phones instead of pagers.
We have really insanely good health-care.

We exit, falling over each other to hold the elevator doors open for our host.

This is the all-comers hospital.
This is the tertiary referral center.
This is the quaternary referral center.

We ponder retirement benefits.

We have a really nice resident lounge.
We have a really nice allergy-free garden.
We have a really nice donor wall.

If I ever get sick, I would choose this hospital.

Ben is an intern in the Internal Medicine-Pediatrics residency at the University of Utah. He completed medical school at the University of Washington. He enjoys the outdoors, playing music, writing (of course), and hanging out with his wife and dog.

Rubor Participation:
2019 Poem, "Hospital Tourism"