The benefit of the doubt sauntered into the operating theatre and demanded to speak to the attending surgeon. He gave her a blunt scalpel and an extra sterile towel, then hid under the drapes for the rest of the case. I gave the benefit of the doubt a three-strike policy. You really shouldn’t be doing …
Scribbling, humming, tattoo on the corner of her eye Me, medical student, first year, trying to smile A couple of questions She tells me her life A cycle of abuse, trauma, addiction, uncertainty What to do, how to change, where to find a guiding light So much hope and pain and soul Condensed into something …
A well-crafted search The terms tingling my brain Anticipation Bibliography Carefully tracked and succinct For the curious Have fun with MeSH terms Milk, Human/adverse events Mom’s milk can be bad?
28 candles flickering. I close my eyes and make a wish. I can’t tell you what it is, that would be bad luck. 28 years old, her chart reads. Triple-negative invasive breast cancer. What, I wondered, did she wish for? She can’t tell me, that would be bad luck. A half-collapsed cake in the corner …
What happens to a dream burned out? Does it flop helpless like a gasping trout? Does it strike you like an open fist? Or does it vanish like the morning mist? –missed, you were missed at her party– Part, part of me wishes I remembered why –why don’t you call? We want to know how …
He fits in my palm. It’s been about 20 minutes Since he was coaxed from the Baby house by the surgeon But only 5 minutes of being alive. (Those first 15 minutes, life was evasive.) I blink at him Still wishing I could swap My heart rhythm for his Both for his sake and mine. …
The moment I first saw your heartbeat- white lines progressing across the dark screen, competing with echoes of the past: Better not if you want a career! You’ll loose your edge! Don’t talk about family if you want the job! now crashing across your amorphous shape and drowning in the vast depths of human experience- …
Everything is quickly changing
See my cadaver-body strung prone.
We did the exam, gave her the news and she was silent.
White coat blues, got them white coat blues.
15: the number of feet you flew through the air in the incident;
First, say I don’t know.
A longing desire, A burning fire,
I am haunted
When I was a medical student,
Meditation. Yoga. Meditation. Yoga.
I had been sick with a cough for a week
“My daughter killed herself today
An 11th birthday present,
I do not know
I was not the last to touch her,
Those were her words