With resolute momentum the Southbound train passes.

(5PM) Going to the OR later. Don’t know when I’ll be home.

Logged onto work station, typing commences…

or,My husband feels betrayed that I was a fan whenStockton & Malone were in the finals but it turns outthat I don’t watch basketball Building rapport before heading to the OR. “So,are you one of our Utah athletes?” His mother’s indignant. “He plays for the Jazz!” He’s really famous. My bad.

Wake up.Turn o! white noise app.Count on fingers the hours I slept.Open up email. Delete.Open up NY Times app.Swing legs over edge of bed.In slippered feet turn on co!ee.Open NPR, BBC, Instagram.Sip then slurp black co!ee.“I’m not doing enough.”My panic rises.“But am I enough?”

The course did not go well.

Heroin, sometimes meth. Homelessness, criminality, dishonesty. Hopeless?

I successfully extracted the peanut M&M from his 4-year-old nose.

“Happy Birthday!” All I can think is, “great, now I’m advanced maternal age.”

Standing unobtrusively in the corner of the hospital room, giving the student-team as much space as possible to round with the family.

A colleague asks me to see her cousin. I know him.

An Index: somebody, somewhere susceptive and exposed, infected and incubating.

You yelled and belittled my intern.

Being a physician-mother sometimes makes me feel inadequate at both jobs.

In the clinic, I hear the story: PHQ high, cuts to the wrist, just not fitting in.

You have the right to pretend you don’t see me.

The room is filled with brand-new MS1s…

Wiry, weathered rancher for a simple bladder biopsy.

Our stellar MS3 fired the stapler on her last day.

What are you reading now?

Almost done – 3 years of 4.

Jeans don’t fit…