Driver dead on arrivalPassengerC collar in place, fingers tremblingSpeaking on the phoneMother sayingHe didn’t make itPassengerSobbing, squeezing my handSayingIt’s my faultIs he really deadPassenger17 years oldSpine and pelvis brokenWailing, screaming, shiveringI get a warm blanketSayingIt’s not your fault
Gender dysphoriaEvery minuteIn every mirrorSo they tried to end itTwice 11 years oldIn the adolescent unit“High Suicide Risk” On the long waitlistHoping forPuberty blockersUntil SB 16 On the West sideWith a single momFour siblingsCannot afford to travel Affirming careImpossibleIllegal Now what
By definition, an adjective.Relating to disease;Gruesome or grisly A patientBy definition, a BMI of 45“Morbidly obese”Not a surgical candidate“Too high risk”Comments between providers“Weight loss needed”Dismissed by doctors in clinicOn roundsNot identified by their nameRather, by theirBMI of 45Is that notMorbid
Voices on the wardsFalling silentA commitment to do no harmBut trapped in the webs of hierarchyToo afraid to fallToo afraid to failTo speak Voices amongst friendsSpeaking upSharingSayingIt will be different one dayOnce I am a residentOnce I am a doctorBut will it
People crowdingPatient is crashingI stand in lineHeart pounding My turn is upI feel crackingRibs fracturingI hear the resident sayLet’s consider stoppingBut next roundROSC was obtained PatientNow intubatedPosturingBruisedTime of deathCame much later Makes me wonderIf we did more harmThan good
