Sunday
“He has metastatic cancer”
“He doesn’t have long”
That doesn’t make sense
I saw him 2 months ago
He didn’t look sick
I can’t sleep
Monday
The lecture is on cancer spread
Was his hematologic? lymphatic?
I unsuspend anki cards
it doesn’t matter
His cancer is everywhere
I wipe away tears
Tuesday
Chemo drugs
I struggle to learn
Doxorubicin, cisplatin, cyclophosphamide—
Which concoction will he be prescribed
Regardless, the side effects will be awful
Wednesday
We learn the pulmonary exam
Did they listen to his lungs?
I tell my patient, “take a deep breath”
Can you hear cancer on auscultation?
I smile and say “your lungs sound healthy”
I wish his did too
Thursday
In lab we look at lung mets
My classmate pokes the lung,
squeals, “eww its squishy”
I feel like throwing up
That’s what his lungs look like
Friday
Lunchtime session on SPIKES—
how to deliver bad news
I wonder how he reacted
Did he cry?
Did they give him space to cry?
Saturday
I’m exhausted, can’t fall asleep
I hope he has a good doctor
I hope I’ll be a good doctor
